@$$hole!: Laundry Day 2

To be fair, that’s not my thong. However, I did enter into a bra and panties competition once. True story.

Back when I was going to Necto on Monday nights (Goth Night), they used to have any excuse they could to get the ladies as naked as they could legally be in public. This particular night, they hosted a bra and panties competition – the winner get some kind of prize that went in descending order. I don’t remember the prizes, but they probably involved free bar drinks. Which would get people more drunk and therefore, more naked. But I digress.

My friend Libby wanted to enter into the contest, but wasn’t allowed to because her bra was see-through. So being the good friend I am, I said, “Well, I could wear it and enter for you.”

Keep in mind, I had a few adult beverages in my system.

So I put the thing on and go up to the DJ, a good friend of mine, and pointed to the 13 half-naked women dancing around on the stage and said, “Hey, let me in?”

The DJ looked me up and down and said, “If it were up to me, man, you’d be up on that stage. But it’s not.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” I replied. “I was wearing my pin-up girl boxer shorts.”

“Get your ass up on that stage,” he commanded.

So I got up on the stage and started dancing with the girls, most of who I knew personally but some of them I had never spoken to before. Wearing a bra (no shirt) and my black “goth pants.” This went on for what felt like FOREVER until the DJ finally started announcing and said that this contest would be based on audience applause.

Suddenly a sobering realization came over me: I’m a dude in a bra on a stage filled with half naked women, which is what this audience actually wants to see. How am I going to get through this without looking like a complete buffoon?

So when they called on me to do something to get a reaction out of the crowd, I did the only thing that came to mind: I dropped my pants.

Eruption isn’t even descriptive enough of a word to explain the sound that came from the crowd, and if they were truly basing the contest on the volume of the audience, I would have won right then and there.

Unfortunately, they gave me 3rd place. I gave my free drink ticket to Libby, returned her undergarment, and returned to drinking and dancing the night away.

But oh, wait, we were talking about laundry here….well, more next week.

Have a great Halloween, everyone!